Summer of My Soul

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." ~ Zora Neale Hurston

I will be the first to admit that the past five years have been an emotional marathon. Don't get me wrong....there has been so much joy in them....but there has always been at least one thing, if not many, that has ultimately sat on my soul and weighed heavily there, either surfacing from time to time or daily reminding me of its presence.

In speaking with other mother of premature infants, namely those with visual impairments, I have found that I am not alone. Often in the beginning of our children's lives, there are too many unanswered questions. Whole years where you have nothing but questions coming at you or from you. A plethora of unknowns. The answers can take years to come and in the meantime, you have to find a peace with the unknown, and the search for peace ebbs and flows with any given day. And....when the answers do start coming, you have find peace with whatever they might be. And the peace ebbs and flows with any given day.

But there is peace to be had. And for me, that peace happens to be now. This is the summer of my soul. Will it last? Only time will tell. Overall hopefully it will. The day to day worries will come and go, but hopefully they will not camp out on my heart.

The reasons for this blissful summer are many.

• Our new house has instantly become a home, full of little life and lots of love.


• I have a wonderful Billy Bob with whom to share my life.


• Little Jack William has come and is divine.


• Our spirited Livvy shares her zest for life with us every day.

and the exclamation point:

• Camille is blossoming and my mom has been here so many of these summer days to watch her grow.

Early in the summer, Camille underwent yet another surgery, hamstring releases in both legs, which left her double casted for a month. She came out shining and has thrived through all of the change after a few bumps in the road. Her spirit is so alive. She is constantly chattering, full of love for this world and the people in it, and still breathing life into those she knows and meets.

Last Saturday, she, Jack, mom and I went to the Farmer's Market while Liv and Daddy were at swimming lessons. It was an amazing morning. Getting her strength back, she walked around all of the booths, exploring all of the flowers, herbs and vegetables. She was hungry for information, "Mommy, tell me something else!" Afterwards, we strolled over to the coffee shop where she giggled with delight as she learned the words, "Candybar latte coffee" and indulgently sipped out of Grammie's cup, who was obviously spoiling her to high heaven. Later, she endlessly threw pennies into the fountains outside and wished for a new car...a real one, mind you. (Oh, the irony). That night, she helped me make homemade pesto with the basil that she had picked out and she was so proud of herself that she ate two helpings, which for those of you who know her, is soulfood for me in itself. And all of the while, Bill and my mom and I held back tears as we see before us how far she has come and how much she loves life.

For now, at this moment, we have a year that has answers. A beautiful family. A house to call home. A Jack. A Livvy. A Camille that has come so far and is thriving.

P.S. Thinking of you, Sammy J.