A Goosebumps Kind of Day

This blog post has been several years in the making because I’ve never felt like I could do it justice.  Though I still doubt that I will, here it goes….

This morning, I got to stand next to one of my dear friends as we watched the news report the Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage.  As goosebumps literally crawled up my spine, I stole a sideways glance at him, and quickly realized that the depth of my emotion could in no way compare to his.  Someday soon, I will ask him what was going through his mind as a gay man in that moment, but right then, the only thing I could do was feel.  No words were adequate, but it was a great, great privilege to spend that moment with him, celebrating that moment that was long overdue. 

Life has afforded me many blessings in the people I have met who have taught me well and still have a lot to teach me.  Many patients, friends, and people I hold so very dear to my heart have allowed me to listen to their stories over the years of my adult life about their experiences of being LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender).   Though I have been allowed to hear their stories, I will never understand what it means to be LGBT.  That’s okay.  Newsflash: My friends who are LGBT can’t comprehend what it feels like to be straight (and believe me, many have tried).  Truth be told, it doesn't matter if we comprehend it.  

(Sidenote:  I also can’t comprehend what it means to be left-handed, brown-eyed, an astronaut, Canadian, or someone who likes little weenie hotdogs with barbecue sauce (barf), but I really feel that people who have these traits are good people, too, and they probably aren’t ruining my life while on a fast train to hell.) 

What matters is that their stories have deeply engrained in me the belief that everyone has the right to love and be loved.  No one else has the right to determine for us who that should or should not be.  True love is not a dangerous, devious, sinful thing that is harmful in nature.  It inspires us to be better.

The stories I have heard have caused me to think deeply.  I have met SO many people who have been ostracized, intentionally excluded, abandoned by family and friends, and marginalized because of their sexual orientation.  I have seen people try to be “healed of their gayness,” or try to live as a straight person in order to conform to the expectations of society or family, only to have their life fall apart because they were not living as themselves.  I have heard countless accounts of suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety as people try to grapple with feelings of trying to be who people say they should be as opposed to who they are.  I have seen self-loathing and shame inflicted upon people by themselves because they have been made to think that they are sinners by those around them who feebly attempt to take on God’s job description (which somehow magically became humanly known). 

And I have asked myself:

• ·      What if someone told me that loving Bill is wrong?
• ·      What if I was made to want with all my heart to marry and commit myself to him, but was denied that right?
• ·      What if I started to hate myself for feeling an emotion as pure as love?
• ·      What if I felt like I had to hide the deepest parts of myself?
• ·      What if my family never wanted to see me again because I loved a man?  Would I be able to fall in love with a woman?  Nope.  Then what? 
• ·      What if I was told that God created all humans, knows every part about us, and loves us more deeply than we can ever know…and God doesn’t make mistakes….but somehow you have to not be the person you were born to be…or well, you can be that person but not BE that person.  WHAT???
• ·      What if I lived and never felt wholly validated…by society…by the law…by family or friends…by people who know nothing about me?

I have also seen victories.  I have witnessed people who are LGBT who have been unconditionally loved and supported by family and or friends; it is a beautiful thing.  I have witnessed loving and committed relationships grow and thrive and be shining examples of love for us all.  I have seen same sex couples raise beautiful children and be among the finest examples of families that I know.  I have witnessed people feeling free to be themselves, and in doing so, profoundly touching the lives of others. 

Today was a beautiful day.  I celebrate the fact that my children will grow up in this age of marriage equality, be they straight, gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual.  I hope that this is another step towards acceptance by all for all. 

And yes, I am Christian.  I am Catholic.  I love our new Pope and pray change and respect will come for all in all faiths.  As inspired by my LGBT friends who practice their faith, I will keep the faith that I mostly love, being a steady agent for change from within.  I know that I am not alone.  And yes, I believe Jesus is smiling today (though I can’t say for sure because I, in fact, am not Jesus).   

So, to my dear ones who have fought this good fight for so long, I celebrate this victory.  I am thankful for this validation of you.  Your joy is my joy. 

To those who doubt, I beg you to find someone and listen –really listen--openly to their story and just imagine what life would be like if the tables were turned.  Listening has taught me so much.